Carrying My Stauros

“Then Yeshua said this to his disciples:‘If anyone wants to follow me, he’ll have to deny his own needs, then pick up his stauros and travel behind me.”
Matthew 16:24

Life can be difficult, and life as a Christian can at times be even harder for various reasons, especially when seeking to preach objective truth in a world of unbelievers and believers both that do not want to hear it.

In this Yeshua calls us to carry our stauros (cross, tree, stake).

Carrying it can manifest in all different forms. Be it through persecution by those who mock your faith, violent persecution by those who would truly harm you for your faith, such as those in the Middle East, or perhaps other Christians who might simply disagree with you, and resort to name calling, insults or other forms of personal slander. And of course, there are our personal stresses, health conditions, and of course, the lure of our own sins which also crave for us to give into them.

Yeshua suffered all of these things (Hebrews 4:15), but so incredible was he, and his reliance and trust upon the Father, he did not give out. And it’s his path we should strive to walk.

There are times when it is difficult. Even Yeshua needed help at times (Luke 22:42-43).

We want relief from pain, mental, physical, emotional and social. Enduring it all is part of our walk with the Anointed One. Not merely putting up with it, or reacting to it, but reacting and dealing with it in a Christian way, as Yeshua said.

• “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly”. – 1 Peter 2:23

This can be difficult, when we are hurt, or upset, or angry. We want justice, we want all these things to go away.

Paul, in his letter, seeks to comfort us, when he explains;

• “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of [the] Anointed may rest on me. That is why, for [the] Anointed’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

We are strong in our weaknesses, for we show we follow Yeshua’s same road, and on it, we remain “running the race for life”, and by it we also gain endurance (Romans 5:3, 1 Corinthians 9:24).

Yeshua himself told us to expect trial and tribulation, from all kinds of things:

• “There will be great earthquakes, famines, and pestilences in various places, along with fearful sights and great signs from heaven. But before all this, they will seize you and persecute you. On account of my name they will deliver you to the synagogues and prisons, and they will bring you before kings and governors. This will be your opportunity to serve as witnesses”. – Luke 21:11-13

And so it is in this stead, that I myself express openly my trials and tribulations also.

I, through my life and walk as a Christian, have had to face many struggles with my mental health, dealing with ASD, ADHD, OCD and PTSD, certain unfortunate events in life, as well as temptations against sin, the lures of the flesh, and the persecutions and insults of men. Believer and unbeliever alike.

At times, though I do my utmost to preach in peace and non-judgement, I am accused, or insulted by those who do not like my Biblical opinions and interpretations.

I do my utmost not to revile, but it is sometimes a challenge. To deal with those who to me appear to be so blatant in their wilful ignorance, in their insults and attacks. Not merely holding an opinion I do not agree with, this I can respect, but rather, the ‘attitude’ that often comes with it.

I am not perfect, and there are times where I feel hurt, and frustration will get the best of me. Debating with others can be stressful enough. But when debates begin to take a personal edge, the urge comes to point the finger and put down those who affront me. Often I am tempted to boast in my own mind, of my own ego, of my “intellect”, of my “superiority” over the “uneducated” and those who are “lacking in depth of thought”. If only I could just “put them in their place”, if only my God and Father Yah would soon make me a judge at Yeshua’s side so I can at last make things “right” and tell these people what I think they “deserve”…

But this is not the way.

• “We all possess knowledge. But knowledge puffs up while love builds up”. – 1 Corinthians 8:1
• “Where is the wise man? Where is the scribe? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?” – 1 Corinthians 1:20
• “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”. – Matthew 5:44

This too, is part of carrying and enduring my starous, not only the external effects, but the internal, the strife against myself and my own impulses, to not give into frustration, and to become the very thing that those who do the persecuting are. To guard against pride and judgement.

We are called to speak truth when we see falsehood, but with mildness and respect (2 Corinthians 12:7).

How easy it is to become the enemy. If we do not check ourselves.

To “be angry but not sin”, is a delicate balance (Ephesians 4:26). Anger and frustration is natural, as is pain. But we have to ensure we do not let these things lead us into expressing our feelings in sinful or hurtful ways. It is essential to manage our emotions and thoughts, in healthy and constructive ways, and not in destructive, or self-destructive ways.

• “Let your gentleness be apparent to all. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in [the] Anointed Yeshua”. – Philippians 4:4-7

I like to think of myself, though a dedicated and studious disciple of Yeshua, as an easy going, patient, empathetic, and understanding person mostly, but there sure are times when I feel the complete opposite. And so I write these words not only for others, but just as much, if not more, for myself.

As much as I get frustrated as the religious fervour, judgements, biases and arrogance of others I sometimes have to encounter, I in turn also ask myself;

“Am I too that way? Am I biased, arrogant, locked into opinionation?”

I pray to my Father that I am not, and if I am, then he give me the power to change.

For all the debates I often end up being pulled into over scripture, the irony is that I hate debates. I sometimes find them anxiety inducing, stressful, frustrating. Yet it would seem, in my walk with Yeshua, I am “compelled”, “thrust” into these scenarios, for his sake, in my journey and mission to try and to do my best to seek and preach truth to others. I have responsibility, to use the gifts God has granted me to fulfil his will, even if it is at times at my own expense.

Inasmuch as I get annoyed at others, and then in turn myself for feeling annoyed at others, there is always the struggle of lust to contend with also…

I am human, a male, a man, and with that comes natural desires and needs.

I’d love to be married. But as a single man in our Lord Yeshua I am compelled to maintain cleanness in this respect, and honour God’s arrangement of marriage. This means resisting the temptations of the opposite sex that sometimes comes my way. I am not perfect, and I have been lured into some temptations before, always with the idealistic view, as the heart of sin seeks to justify itself for its cravings. But I pray often, that I am guarded from such temptations. I ask also that others pray with and for me.

And then come the pains of my mental conditions, painful thoughts, obsessions and anxiety disorders which often strike out at me, to the extent where I feel at times it is Satan himself literally slapping me, as Paul expressed.

And then finally, I am at times haunted by concern over my family, who are dedicated to a religion run by the commands of men, which I do not hold agreement with, and just as much in turn, I am concerned over the concerns they may hold for me for not agreeing with their convictions. I pray God by means of Lord Yeshua grants them the freedom I have come to attain (1 Corinthians 7:16).

Of course, I understand that my situation is still far more blessed than it is for others, who have lost their families entirely. For them I also pray.

• “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life“. – Matthew 19:29

Various pains, frustrations, temptations and events in this world, at the hand of natural forces, evil forces, our own weaknesses and the hand of others, can at times be like a train rushing ahead on a track, whilst we ourselves are tied down to it.

There comes the fear, the anger, the annoyance, pain at the things we can’t seem to get away from in life…

But then we have to remember, that to God, our Father, this train is but a model, a child’s toy. And that this suffering is temporary. We are compelled to carry our stauros, but it is not eternal, nor is it in vain.

And so I pray for all of us;

That his hand comes down to guard us all, to catch said train, and to lift us from the track, to place us down upon a soft cloud where we will be carried away to peace. Father, approve of me and see me as a righteous man, that my prayers be effectual for other brothers and sisters who struggle, and that I may attain life and judgement of righteousness by your Son.

In and through the name of your Son, Yeshua the Anointed, our Lord, King and Saviour.

Amen.